I'm Kind of Pathetic Some Days...

"I don't have to be human around you. And yet, you bring out all the annoying human tendencies I thought I had either forgotten or never learned. I can't even stop myself from talking, for all the things I really wish I would say. You subtly intimidate me in ways I didn't know were possible. "Invaluable," is the word I'd use to describe your role in my life. I can't picture a future in which you're absent, yet I run to alternatives, afraid of the fact that I feel and what I think about you, another human being. I constantly build worlds in which I've found another way, a safer way, a distant substitute only to find I haven't the energy or the desire for any of those realities to come to pass, if I can help it. Afraid I'll lose you forever either by grasping too hard, or not hard enough. You stand next to me in the iced-over window to my flurries of thoughts - all I want is to have the courage to hold your hand. Perhaps I was mistaken, before. Perhaps you do exist, Airi."


~Vague