I don't even know anymore...but I do.

These days I find myself wondering what I should do. My entire world is crumbling around me, and I just haven't the interest or energy to rebuild it. I wish people made it easier for me to justify attempting to deal with them in a meaningful way. Of course, 'meaningful way,' usually doesn't describe most of human interaction. Ah well. Perhaps that's the problem.

I always get so nostalgic and apathetic this time of year. Yeah, I know the cognitive dissonance there is staggering. Alright, I'm gonna go now.

~Vague

Ps. I know it's going to be someone I'm not looking for. I also won't have any idea how to interact with them.

Here Come the Waves

Some days life itself begins to feel like a sickness.

~Vague

Here's a question:

How do you escape, when you're not here to begin with?

~Vague

So um...

Gosh, you looked so nice today. I wish I had said so.

~Vague

Oh What to Do What to Do...

"I feel where no one is. Can be - could be, would want to be - since when? On I press, blood-stained staff - it slowly splits, shedding splinters. In the wake of wild and unconscious prisms of thought - those violently precise self-contained riots; a mute, blind, emaciating fury follows close behind, whispers - forevermore, 'Lowell'."

~Vague

Feeling Kinda Cruel

No coherent post today. Just a list of anecdotes to sum up my recent happenings - in roughly chronological order.

Enjoy.
______________________

"I can't help you. I no longer possess the energy or the interest to continue screaming."

~Vague
______________________

"I can only mock you with that abject and inhuman laughter - reverberates throughout the uncanny valley. The irony? It's not even directed at you. That's how little I care. Now move aside, I'm not done yet."

~Vague
______________________

"Most people can't just shut the door the way you can."

~My Mother
______________________

"Don't let the space between you and someone you value fill with all the things you wanted to say, but didn't. There is no couldn't."

~Vague
______________________

"Stop saying, 'we'."

~Vague
______________________

"I speak things into existence all the time. I always know even as I'm saying it. They're hardly ever good things, though. Good things are always a surprise."

~Vague
______________________

"The effects of causality on the human mind and subsequently the world around it? Extraordinary."

~Vague
______________________

That's all. Anyone that disapproves of self-quoting clearly hasn't recognized the inherent problem that is assuming someone else can always say it better than you, and that one shouldn't pursue their own ideas. How do you think that someone else got where they are?

Later for now.


~Vague


Ps. Most of this has nothing to do with the previous post, in case anyone watching the soap opera that is my life was concerned. Heh.

I'm Kind of Pathetic Some Days...

"I don't have to be human around you. And yet, you bring out all the annoying human tendencies I thought I had either forgotten or never learned. I can't even stop myself from talking, for all the things I really wish I would say. You subtly intimidate me in ways I didn't know were possible. "Invaluable," is the word I'd use to describe your role in my life. I can't picture a future in which you're absent, yet I run to alternatives, afraid of the fact that I feel and what I think about you, another human being. I constantly build worlds in which I've found another way, a safer way, a distant substitute only to find I haven't the energy or the desire for any of those realities to come to pass, if I can help it. Afraid I'll lose you forever either by grasping too hard, or not hard enough. You stand next to me in the iced-over window to my flurries of thoughts - all I want is to have the courage to hold your hand. Perhaps I was mistaken, before. Perhaps you do exist, Airi."


~Vague